1. Melts in your mouth, not in your hand

    Thousands of Hindu pilgrims were left less than satisfied at the climax of a long trek when they found that their sacred phallic icicle had melted into a tiny stump. Geologists blame the, ahem, performance issues on global warming and the travelers’ “hot, sweaty bodies.”

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    Photo: iStockphoto

  2. One of these things is not like the others

    True or false (no peeking!): Al Gore predicts iPhone will reduce greenhouse-gas emissions by 30 percent. Al Gore III is busted for drug possession after being caught speeding in his Prius. Paris Hilton will run for office as a Green Party candidate.

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  3. Sweet, sweet Sweden fraud

    If you’re going to try to smuggle liquor somewhere (and you know you are), you might as well pick Sweden; if you get caught, the Swedes will turn your moonshine into fuel. Plus, they’ll probably give you a meatball.

    Photo: iStockphoto

  4. Here’s the scoop

    I scream, you scream, we all scream for carbon-neutral ice cream!

    Photo: iStockphoto

  5. Concerted effort

    Tomorrow, rock out to the 7/7/07 Live Earth Concerts for a Climate in Crisis awareness extravaganza with 24 hours of music from all over the world reaching some 2 billion people via television, webcast, and XM radio. Tune in next week for your regularly scheduled warming.

    Photo: iStockphoto