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Llama sutra
Good: Making sex-toy deliveries by bike. Better: Promising to come within the hour. Best: Calling yourself the Kinky Llama.
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Oh you NASA boy
Dear former Apollo astronaut/current climate-change denier, you remind us of that space cadet who chased her ex-lover around in a diaper. Must be something in the air up there, eh?
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Soda fountains of youth
Ah, remember when we sweetened things with sugar and Michael Pollan had nothing to bitch about? Pepsi does too! So drink up, America — the corn syrup comes back June 14.
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Green is the new irony
How best to assert your commitment to “consume less”? A brand-new T-shirt, of course.
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We’d like to spank the Academy
Is it wrong that we’re more excited about some of these re-imagined Best Picture titles than the real deal?