Poetry is a nicer, decidedly more British version of “DUDE, quit blocking the f*cking subway doors; I’m late for work!” And you can thank London’s mayor for that — he’s the one who decided to paper the London Underground with poems gently reminding riders how best to behave:

london-poetry-subway

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London ad agency M&C Saatchi wrote the rhymes, and some of the poets in the video below will be performing at Tube stations today for the U.K.’s National Poetry Day:

Here’s an American version I just wrote:

Don’t stretch out and take a nap

Unless you want a bunch of crap

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Don’t invade my personal space

Or I’ll punch you in the face

Groping me? You’ve got some guts

Here’s a swift kick to the nuts 

Perhaps slightly more violent than the Brits, but that’s the American way. Be excellent to each other on public transit, OK?