America, you are slipping. Why do I keep having to write about horrible mutant foodstuffs that are not from you? Are you depressed, America? Are you uninspired? Are you feeling like you’ve just run out of ways to bang two kinds of junk food together until they meld into something that is worse than the sum of its parts?

Help Grist raise $25,000 by September 30 to further advance our climate reporting

Well, don’t be like that, America! I believe in you! And there are so many combinations we’ve never tried — burger lollipops! Gummi Oreos! Fried chicken with whipped cream! Taco cake!

But not pizza dough Kit Kats. It’s too late for you to pioneer those, because Pizza Hut Middle East has gotten there first.

To support our nonprofit environmental journalism, please consider disabling your ad-blocker to allow ads on Grist. Here's How

So, yeah, it’s Kit Kats wrapped in pizza dough and topped with sugar. America, for god’s sake, stop resting on your laurels. You’ve got serious competition out there.