Editor’s note: This week Grist is celebrating the 10th anniversary of our Ask Umbra advice column. Today, we look at a few of the perplexingest questions our readers have ever sent. Losing sleep over a green conundrum? Ask Umbra.

10. How can I recycle my pencil stubs? In which Umbra suggests erase to the finish.

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9. Does licking my dinner plate keep waste out of the landfill? If the stew fits.

8. Are condoms recyclable? At last, a tip we can get behind.

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7. Can I recycle a beer bottle with a lime wedge in it? Your glass is totally smashed.

6. What’s the greenest method of disposing of a corpse? We’d reference Weekend at Bernie’s, but we don’t want to date ourselves.

5. Do hot air balloons hurt the environment? This one’s a real basket case.

4. Is chewing gum biodegradable? Ease your bubble troubles.

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3. What is the half-life of glitter? For all you shiny, happy people.

2. Can a bird really burst into flames? Does a kangaroo have three vaginas? (Hint: You betcha.)

1. What are the average emissions from flatulence? Depends how many plates you lick.